It was the day before hisfortieth birthday, and it was an occasion he dreaded. But not just forthe usual reasons - the idea of getting older rarely appealed aftertwenty five, but for a more complicated reason.Richard had never really felt "right" as a male. Sadly, it had taken himfar too long to realize there was actually something he could had doneabout that, and so he approached forty no further along toward being awoman than he had at twenty.Mostly, his girl self lived online, in chat rooms. " You're a lot more independent than I am," Kacey mused. "And there'sa difference between 'independent by choice' and, well, not." And godknows I wouldn't choose to be 'independent' if it was up to me, Elliethought to herself."Can- can we not talk about this?" Ellie asked. "I mean, we have justseen THE best concert ever, right?" Right, sorry, sorry," Kacey giggled. "Where we meeting up with Jodieand Keira again?" It's just across the road," Ellie replied, smiling despite herfriend's inadvertent. Is it wrong though, to just want to make a friend? To just want to feel... wanted?I lean my head on the glass window, staring outside at passing cafes and restaurants as the bus nears its location. A moment later I sigh, ‘Why did I have to be the one to move? They’re the ones who started it, how come they get away and I get punished?’ I think to myself, closing my eyes as I reminisce about my old life. Just last week I hung out with my friends and caught a movie in theaters, sure the movie. I was a terrible coward and dad was right saying I was too timid and submissive to ever land a girlfriend! Now I was more the girlfriend! Just who was that voice?I was directed back to the chair, annoyed my mysterious master was so pleased with my timidity and submissiveness! Why had I walked around so willingly, never even being difficult? The plug deflated as I sighed. The cuffs reclosed and locked and I sighed some more. Was I a fucking doormat? “You may sleep.” The faint glimpse of light I.
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